How to Help Your Child Cope with Grief and Loss
Someone you loved has passed away, and now you have to figure out how to tell your child. Or maybe your family is dealing with a different kind of loss: divorce, a move, or even a beloved pet who won't be coming home.
Whatever brought grief into your home, you're facing one of the hardest parts of parenting: helping your child navigate loss when you're struggling with your own heartbreak.
We desperately want to protect our children from pain. But grief is part of being human, and learning to walk through difficult times with love and support is actually one of the most important lessons we can offer them.
Understanding How Children Process Grief
Children don't grieve the same way adults do. Their brains are still developing, so they process big emotions and confusing situations in ways that can seem genuinely puzzling.
Kids might seem totally fine one moment, then fall apart the next. They ask the same questions repeatedly. They worry about things that seem unrelated to what happened.
This isn't them being difficult or not understanding. This is how their minds attempt to make sense of something that feels impossible to grasp.
Common Grief Responses in Children
Grief manifests in children in ways you might not expect:
Developmental regression: A potty-trained child might start having accidents. A teenager who's been independent might suddenly need constant reassurance.
Intense anger: Children often feel mad at the person who died for "leaving" them, at parents for not preventing what happened, or at the entire situation.
Physical symptoms: Stomachaches, headaches, trouble sleeping, and changes in appetite are all normal ways grief affects children's bodies.
Academic difficulties: Having trouble concentrating, forgetting things, or declining grades can all be part of how kids process loss.
Social withdrawal: Some children pull away from friends and activities they previously enjoyed.
All of these reactions represent completely normal ways of working through something genuinely difficult.
Once you recognize these responses, the next step is understanding how to support your child through them with honesty and compassion.
Essential Support Strategies for Grieving Children
1. Provide Honest, Age-Appropriate Explanations
Skip euphemisms that can confuse children. Instead of saying someone "went to sleep forever" or "went away," use clear language: "When someone passes away, their body stops working and they can't come back."
Keep explanations developmentally appropriate but truthful. Children can handle more honesty than we sometimes realize.
For a preschooler, you might say, “Grandpa’s body stopped working, and he can’t wake up again.”
For an older child, it may help to add, “That means he died, and we’ll remember him through stories and photos.”
These short, clear explanations help children make sense of what’s happened and provide a foundation for future conversations as their understanding deepens.
2. Validate All Emotions
Children need to understand that whatever they're feeling (sadness, anger, confusion, even relief sometimes) all of those emotions are acceptable. Avoid phrases like "Be strong" or "Big kids don't cry." Instead, try "This is really sad. I feel sad too."
3. Maintain Stability Through Routines
When their world feels chaotic, keeping some things consistent provides crucial stability. Try to maintain regular meal times, bedtimes, and activities when possible.
4. Model Healthy Grief Expression
Children benefit from witnessing you grieve appropriately. This demonstrates that being sad about loss is normal and that families support each other through hard times. You don't need to hide your tears, but balance sharing your grief with providing the steady presence they need.
Ways to Support Your Grieving Child
1. Create Safe Emotional Expression Outlets
Memory projects help children process their relationship with whoever they've lost. Photo albums, memory boxes, or drawing pictures of favorite shared experiences can be genuinely healing.
Physical outlets are crucial since grief often gets stored in our bodies. Dancing, running, or even punching pillows can help children release overwhelming emotions.
2. Respond to Questions with Patience and Honesty
Children will likely ask the same questions multiple times as they work to understand. This repetition is completely normal and necessary for processing.
Common questions and helpful responses:
Question: "Where did they go?"
Answer: "When people pass away, their bodies stop working, but the love we have for them stays in our hearts forever."
Question: "Will I get sick too?"
Answer: "Most people live for a very long time and stay healthy. My job is to keep you safe and take care of you."
Question: "Did I make them sick?"
Answer: "Nothing you did, said, or thought caused this person to pass away."
3. Follow Your Child's Individual Process
Some children want to talk constantly about their loss. Others prefer to process privately. Some find comfort in ceremonies and rituals, while others need to stick to normal activities.
Pay attention to what your child seems to need and follow their cues rather than imposing your own grieving style on them.
Addressing Different Types of Loss
Loss of a Loved One
This requires ongoing support and might involve helping children understand memorial services and how life will change moving forward.
Pet Loss
Don't underestimate how difficult this can be. For many children, losing a pet represents their first real encounter with loss.
Family Changes
Children grieve the loss of their family structure as they've always known it to be.
Major Life Transitions
Moving away from home, school, or community represents genuine loss. Children grieve familiar places, routines, and friendships.
Caring for Yourself as a Parent During Your Child’s Grief
Grief takes a toll on everyone, including you. When you’re focused on holding your child together, it’s easy to forget that you’re grieving too. But children take their cues from the adults around them. When you show that it’s okay to rest, cry, or ask for help, they learn that it’s okay for them too.
Let yourself lean on others. Talk with friends, family, or a counselor who can hold space for your feelings. You don’t have to be the strong one all the time. Sometimes, the most healing thing you can model for your child is what it looks like to care for yourself with kindness.
Grief doesn’t follow a neat timeline. Some days will feel calm; others will feel heavy again. Be patient with yourself and your child as you both find new ways forward.
Try to care for your body the way you’d care for your child’s. Get enough rest, eat real meals, move gently. Your energy and steadiness become part of the safety your child feels while they heal.
When Professional Support Becomes Important
While grief is a natural response to loss, some children may need extra help to heal. There’s no shame in reaching out. Seeking professional support doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a parent. It means you care enough to make sure your child has every tool to feel safe again.
Consider getting professional guidance if your child shows signs such as:
Persistent changes in sleep, appetite, or mood lasting several weeks
Complete withdrawal from family, friends, or favorite activities
Ongoing academic struggles or frequent absences from school
Intense fear, anxiety, or guilt around the loss
Grief looks different for every child, but when sadness starts to turn into daily suffering, it may be time to bring in extra support.
Therapists who specialize in childhood bereavement, trauma, or emotional regulation can help children make sense of their feelings and find healthy ways to express them. They can also work with parents to strengthen coping skills as a family.
Reaching out for support is one of the most caring things you can do for both your child and yourself.
Moving Forward as a Family
Grief doesn't end, but the intense pain usually softens into gentler sadness mixed with warm memories. Some days will remain harder than others, and that's perfectly normal.
Your child doesn't need you to eliminate their pain or provide all the answers. They need you to walk through this experience with them, to remain honest and loving as they learn how to carry loss.
The goal isn't to "get over" grief but to help your child understand that love continues even when someone is gone, and that families can support each other through life's most challenging moments.
Your presence matters more than your words, and your love provides the foundation that will help your child heal.
Programs to Support You and Your Family’s Growth
Sometimes, sitting down together helps you see things more clearly—maybe your child struggles with social dynamics or emotional regulation.
If you’re noticing patterns that concern you, we offer evidence-based support:
PEERS® for Preschoolers
A parent education group that teaches young children real social skills for friendships and play.Tween Anxiety Support Group
Support your tween in building friendships and managing anxiety with confidenceTeen Anxiety Support Group
Help your teen navigate emotions and strengthen peer connections.
DBT-C Parent Skills Group
Learn strategies to support your child’s emotional regulation and resilience while reducing stress for the whole family.
About the Author
Suri Nowosiolski, LCSW, MSpEd, is a licensed clinical social worker with over 30 years of experience supporting families. She specializes in helping parents create stronger connections with their children through evidence-based approaches. Suri is the founder of Hearts & Minds Psychotherapy Group.
