Supporting Without Solving: How SPACE Helps Parents Navigate Childhood Anxiety
You love your child deeply, and when you see them struggling with anxiety and big emotions, your first instinct is to make it better. Maybe you've started pitching in by helping with homework when they get overwhelmed, or letting them off the hook when it comes to family events because they find them too stressful. Rest assured, you're not alone in this! Every parent wants to protect their child from big feelings, pain, and discomfort
But what if there was a way to support your child through difficult emotions while also teaching them that they can handle life's challenges? What if you could help them understand that they can face their feelings? What if you could still love them and have a good relationship without clearing every obstacle from their path?
This is where SPACE (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions) comes in. SPACE transforms how families navigate anxiety by teaching. Parents support without solving or avoiding. When parents can do this, something beautiful happens—kids discover that they're way more capable than their anxiety told them they were.
The Problem with Well-Meaning Accommodations
Let's be honest about what accommodation looks like in real life. Your child melts down every morning before school, so you start by letting them stay home just this once. Which then turns into ‘every once in a while.’ And before you know it, they’re at home more than they’re at school. Or, perhaps your teen can't handle making phone calls, so you step in to do it for them. Or maybe your child refuses to go to birthday parties or sleepovers because they're anxious about not knowing anyone, so you decline invitations on their behalf.
These responses feel loving in the moment. They reduce your child's immediate distress and bring peace to your household. But they also send a message to both your child and their anxiety: "You're right to be scared. This situation really is too much for you to handle."
Over time, your child's world gets smaller instead of bigger. They miss opportunities to learn how they can cope with difficult situations. And their anxiety gets stronger because it keeps being proven "right" about dangers that aren't actually dangerous.
SPACE: A Different Kind of Love
SPACE offers parents a revolutionary evidence-based approach: instead of removing stressors from your child's life, you learn to stay emotionally present while allowing them to face age-appropriate challenges.
This doesn't mean being harsh or unsympathetic. It means believing in your child's ability to handle difficult feelings while being completely there for them emotionally.
SPACE is built on two essential pillars:
Support: Offering emotional validation, warmth, and confidence in your child's abilities
Accommodation Reduction: Gradually stepping back from behaviors that inadvertently strengthen anxiety
The magic happens when you combine these elements. Your calm presence sends their nervous system the message that there's no real danger, while your decision not to accommodate teaches anxiety that its warnings aren't reliable and that they are strong and capable.
What SPACE Sounds Like in Real Life
SPACE responses feel different from traditional parenting advice because they acknowledge your child's feelings while maintaining confidence in their capabilities:
"I can see you're really worried about this test. That feeling is hard. And I know you can handle it."
"You seem scared about the sleepover. I know you can figure this out."
The key is offering emotional support without removing the challenge that helps your child grow. You're not dismissing their feelings or pushing them into situations they can't handle, you're creating the emotional safety they need to discover their own strength.
SPACE in Action: Real Family Transformations
Morning School Struggles
What used to happen: Your child melts down about school, so you let them stay home or you do everything for them to reduce their stress.
With SPACE: You might say, "I can see you're having big feelings about school.I can understand why going is hard for you, and I know that you can get through it." You stay calm and confident while your child works through their emotions and still goes to school. You don't accommodate by allowing them to skip school, but you offer plenty of emotional support through the difficult moment.
Homework Overwhelm
What used to happen: Your child gets anxious about homework, so you take over and complete it for them.
With SPACE: You could say, "This homework seems really challenging and I can see that you’re nervous. I believe you can figure it out." You stay nearby for emotional support but don't solve the problem for them. Your child learns they can tolerate frustration and complete difficult tasks on their own.
Social Anxiety
What used to happen: Your child refuses social events, so you cancel plans or make accommodations to avoid their distress.
With SPACE: You might say, "You're feeling anxious about this party. I understand that's really uncomfortable, and we're still going." You provide emotional support without removing the opportunity for them to grow. Your child discovers they can handle social situations even when feeling nervous.
The Science Behind SPACE
SPACE isn't just another parenting approach—it's a rigorously tested, evidence-based program developed by researchers at Yale University. Multiple clinical studies have shown that when parents learn SPACE principles, children's anxiety decreases significantly, often matching the results of direct child therapy with CBT.
The research shows that changing how parents respond to anxiety can be just as effective as treating the child directly.
This means you have real power to help your child, backed by solid science.
The Skills That Stick: Building Earned Confidence
When families use SPACE consistently, kids develop what we call "earned confidence." This isn't fake self-esteem or empty praise—it's genuine confidence that comes from facing challenges and discovering they can handle them.
Children learn that:
They can feel anxious AND still do difficult things
Big emotions are temporary and manageable
Their parents believe in their capability
Support doesn't mean having problems solved for them
They're stronger than their anxiety wants them to believe
Parents learn that:
Love doesn't mean removing all challenges
Their calm presence is more powerful than their problem-solving
Children are more capable than anxiety wants them to believe
Supporting means staying close, not clearing the path
Getting Started with SPACE
The most effective way to implement SPACE is with proper guidance and support. These principles work best when families understand not just what to do, but how to do it consistently and compassionately.
Coming Soon: SPACE Online Course
We're developing a comprehensive SPACE online course for parents who want structured support in implementing these principles with their families.
Join our preregistration list to be the first to know when enrollment opens, plus get exclusive early-bird access and bonus resources.
Pre-register for SPACE Online Course
Individual Family Support
Some families benefit from personalized guidance on implementing SPACE principles in their unique situation. We can help you identify your family's specific accommodation patterns and create a step-by-step plan for change.
Your Child Doesn't Need to Feel Ready
Here's what you need to remember: your child doesn't need to feel ready to handle challenges. They just need to know that you believe they can handle them—nerves and all.
This doesn't happen overnight. It takes practice, patience, and often some professional guidance. But when families use SPACE consistently, children develop genuine resilience while parents learn to trust their child's capability.
Your child's anxiety doesn't define them. With your steady, supportive presence and your confidence in their abilities, they can learn to navigate their emotional world with courage. And you can learn to be their calm harbor without accidentally making their storms bigger.
The path forward isn't about eliminating difficult emotions—it's about building the confidence to move through them successfully, together.
Ready to learn how SPACE can transform your family's relationship with anxiety? We're here to support you through this journey with evidence-based approaches that create lasting change.
About the Author
Suri Nowosiolski, LCSW, MSpEd, is a licensed clinical social worker with over 30 years of experience supporting children and families through school transitions and challenges. She specializes in childhood anxiety, school refusal, social skills development, and parent support. Suri is the founder of Hearts & Minds Psychotherapy Group and offers evidence-based programs for families navigating educational and social challenges.
