Nurturing a Positive Self-Image in Kids and Teens: Building Body Confidence That Lasts

Written By Suri Nowosiolski
Mother and children cooking together at home, nurturing confidence and building positive body image in children

Your daughter suddenly starts asking if she looks "fat" in everything she wears. Your son refuses to take his shirt off at the pool. Your middle schooler begins comparing themselves to everyone around them, finding themselves lacking every time.

Welcome to one of the most challenging aspects of raising children in our image-saturated world: helping them develop a healthy relationship with their own body and sense of self-worth.

The stakes feel higher than ever. Children are exposed to unrealistic beauty standards younger than ever, and social media only makes the comparison louder. But even with all that noise, your influence as a parent still matters more than anything else.

Understanding How Body Image Develops

Body image encompasses more than just physical appearance. It includes how children think, feel, and behave toward their own bodies. This relationship begins forming in early childhood and becomes increasingly complex as children grow.

Children absorb messages from everywhere: what they hear at home, what they see online, and what their friends say. These messages accumulate over time, shaping their self-perception and relationship with their bodies.

Where Do They Pick Up These Messages?

Children form their body image through countless small interactions rather than single dramatic moments. They absorb messages from:

  1. Family Language and Attitudes

    How parents talk about their own bodies, comment on others' appearances, and respond to their child's physical development all contribute to their child's self-perception.

  2. Media and Social Influences

    From Disney movies and Instagram posts to videos and ads, children encounter thousands of images that shape their understanding of what bodies "should" look like.

  3. Peers

    Comments from classmates, participation in sports or activities, and social dynamics all impact how children view their physical selves.

  4. Their Own Thoughts

    Even without outside input, kids naturally compare themselves to others. That’s part of growing up, but it needs support and guidance.

Young girl looking out a train window, learning self-awareness and building positive body image in children

Red Flags to Watch For

Recognizing early warning signs helps parents intervene before negative patterns become entrenched:

  • Getting self-conscious about clothes or how they look

  • Skipping activities they used to enjoy

  • Making negative comments about their body

  • Constantly asking how they look

  • Spending a lot of time checking themselves in the mirror

  • Big changes in how or what they eat

  • Pulling away from friends or acting differently because of how they feel about their appearance

Strategies for Building Positive Body Image

Focus on Function Over Form

Teach children to appreciate what their bodies can do rather than just how they look. Celebrate strength, flexibility, endurance, and all the amazing things bodies accomplish daily.

"Your legs are strong, they helped you hike that whole trail!"

Model Healthy Body Talk

Children learn more from what they observe than what they're told. Examine your own relationship with your body and the language you use.

Instead of: "I look terrible in this photo."

Try: "I'm grateful I was able to enjoy that fun day."

Instead of: "I shouldn't eat this dessert."

Try: "This looks delicious! I'm going to enjoy it."

Balance Compliments

While physical compliments aren't inherently harmful, balancing them with character-based praise helps children understand their worth extends beyond appearance.

Expand beyond: "You look so pretty!"

Include: "You're so thoughtful to your friends," or "I love your creativity."

Teach Them to Question What They See

Help children understand that images they see are often edited, filtered, or carefully posed. Discuss how advertising and social media are designed to make people feel dissatisfied so they'll buy products.

Age-appropriate conversations about photo editing, makeup, lighting, and angles help children develop realistic expectations.

Parents playing with their child outdoors, building positive body image in children through joyful family connection

Make Home a Body-Positive Home Environment

Set Clear Family Norms

Create clear guidelines about how family members discuss bodies, both their own and others':

  • No body shaming about yourself or others

  • Focus on health and feeling good rather than appearance

  • Celebrate body diversity and differences

  • Avoid commenting on weight changes or physical development

Support More Than Just Looks

Help children develop identity and confidence through multiple areas: academics, creativity, sports, friendships, and personal interests. When self-worth comes from various sources, appearance becomes just one small piece.

Help Them Trust Their Body

Teach children to listen to their body's hunger and fullness cues rather than following external rules about food. This builds trust in their body's wisdom and prevents problematic relationships with eating.

When It’s Time to Get More Help

Sometimes children need additional support beyond what parents can provide:

  • Persistent negative self-talk or body image distress

  • Significant changes in eating patterns or food avoidance

  • Social withdrawal or avoiding previously enjoyed activities

  • Signs of depression or anxiety related to appearance

  • Self-harm behaviors or extreme measures to change appearance

Early intervention can prevent more serious issues from developing.

What You're Building Matters

You can’t stop your child from ever feeling insecure. But you can help them build the tools to move through those moments of insecurity.

Children with strong body image understand that bodies come in all shapes and sizes, their worth comes from who they are rather than how they look, and taking care of their body is an act of self-care.

They don’t need to love every inch of themselves all the time. They need to know they’re more than what they see in the mirror and that message starts with you.

The Long-Term Investment

Every conversation you have, every way you model self-acceptance, and every response to their concerns, it all adds up. These small moments shape how your child sees themselves, now and for years to come.

Children who develop positive body image are more likely to:

  • Take appropriate care of their physical health

  • Develop meaningful relationships based on character rather than appearance

  • Pursue goals and dreams without being limited by body shame

  • Handle life's challenges with greater confidence and resilience

Resources for Supporting Positive Body Image

📜 "A Parent's Guide to Validating Teens" - Scripts for supporting teenagers through self-doubt and identity development
Perfect for parents helping teens navigate body image challenges and social pressures

Programs to Support Your Family

Sometimes, sitting down together helps you see things more clearly—maybe your child struggles with social dynamics or emotional regulation.

If you’re noticing patterns that concern you, we offer evidence-based support:

About the Author

Suri Nowosiolski, LCSW, MSpEd, is a licensed clinical social worker with over 30 years of experience supporting families. She specializes in helping parents create stronger connections with their children through evidence-based approaches. Suri is the founder of Hearts & Minds Psychotherapy Group.

Suri Nowosiolski
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