PEERS® for Preschoolers: Why Your Child Struggles to Make Friends (And How to Help)
Your preschooler sees kids playing at the park. They want to join, you can see it in their face. But they either hover at the edge looking lost, or barrel right into the middle and accidentally ruin the game.
Sound familiar?
Here's what most parents don't realize: "joining in" isn't something children automatically know how to do. Some kids seem to absorb these social rules naturally. Others benefit from learning the approach more deliberately.
And that's completely normal.
How to Support Your Child Through the Joining-In Steps
After years of working with families, I've found that most joining-in struggles come down to timing and approach. Here's how you can guide your child when they want to join other kids:
When Your Child Wants to Join In
Help them pause first.
If you see your child eyeing a group, gently say: "Let's watch for a moment and see what they're doing." Give them time to observe the game and energy.Guide them to ask permission.
Encourage your child to approach and ask something like "Can I play too?" You can practice these phrases at home beforehand.Support them in starting small and accepting “no” with calm. When they're invited in, remind them to follow along with what's already happening rather than trying to change the game right away. And if they get a “no,” coach them to respond with a calm, “OK, maybe next time.”
Remember, you're not doing the friendship work for them. You're giving them the tools and confidence to do it themselves.
Practicing at Home
You can work on these skills during family time. Use dolls, action figures, or siblings to role-play different scenarios:
What would you do if kids were building a fort?
How would you join a game of tag already in progress?
What if they were having a quiet conversation?
What would you do if the group doesn’t allow you to join?
Keep it playful and light. This isn't a formal lesson—it's just practicing life skills together.
When Children Need More Support
Some children pick up on these strategies quickly. Others need more comprehensive support around all aspects of friendship, not just joining in, but sharing, taking turns, managing emotions during play, and reading friendship cues.
If your child is still struggling with peer relationships despite your best efforts, that doesn't mean anything is wrong with them. It might just mean they would benefit from more structured guidance.
That's what PEERS® for Preschoolers is for. Instead of pulling children out of their natural environment for artificial practice, we guide you to support your children through real-world friendship moments.
Why parent-Coaching Works Better
Traditional social skills groups often happen in artificial settings with unfamiliar children. But preschoolers learn social behaviors most effectively with people they see most often, in familiar environments and during day-to-day social interactions.
When you become your child's social coach, you're there for the moments that actually matter—the playground struggle, the playdate meltdown, the successful sharing moment.
The science backs this up: children ages 4-6 learn friendship skills best through natural modeling and immediate application in real situations, not just scripted practice sessions.
The PEERS® Approach
For more than 20 years, UCLA’s PEERS® (Program for the Education and Enrichment of Relational Skills) has been backed by research. In the preschool version, parents are trained to support their child’s social development through:
Step-by-step instruction via recorded puppet show lessons and real-time parent coaching – You’ll see exactly what to say and do when your child struggles to join play, share attention, or resolve conflicts.
Natural environment practice - Skills are learned during actual playdates and social interactions, not artificial settings
Neurodiversity-affirming methods - We build on your child's strengths while giving them tools to connect, without requiring them to mask their authentic selves
What Parents Learn
Over 16 weekly Zoom sessions, you develop expertise in:
Coaching core friendship skills (invitations, joining play, maintaining connections)
Supporting emotional regulation during social interactions
Facilitating successful playdates
Real-time problem solving when social situations go sideways
Understanding what's typical development versus what needs support
Each session builds on the previous one, with homework assignments to practice new strategies and ongoing feedback on what's working for your specific child.
Every Child Can Learn Friendship Skills
If your child struggles socially, here's what I want you to know: friendship skills are learnable. Just like some children need more support with reading or math, some need more guidance around social connections—and that's completely normal.
Every child has the capacity to form meaningful relationships. Some pick up social cues naturally, while others benefit from more explicit support and practice.
With patience, understanding, and the right approach, your child can learn to navigate friendships in a way that feels authentic and joyful for them.
And you don't have to figure it all out alone.
The Long-Term Impact
Families who complete PEERS® for Preschoolers see changes that extend far beyond childhood friendships:
Increased confidence in social situations
Better emotional regulation during peer interactions
Stronger sense of social belonging
More resilience when facing friendship challenges
The coaching skills you learn become tools you can use throughout your child's development.
Fall 2025 Enrollment
To make sure you feel supported every step of the way, the program is structured to fit your needs and set you up for success.
Program Details:
16 weekly sessions, 90-minutes each
Parent-only format via Zoom
Evidence-based curriculum
Practice assignments and in-session feedback
Continued guidance to help you apply skills at home
Ready to learn more? Schedule a free 15-minute consultation to discuss your child's specific needs and determine if PEERS® is a good fit for your family.
Ready to register? Enrollment for our fall cohort is open now. Space is limited to ensure personalized attention.
Questions? Reach out at admin@heartsandmindspsychotherapy.com. We're here to help you support your child's social growth.
About the Author
Suri Nowosiolski, LCSW, MSpEd, is a licensed clinical social worker with over 30 years of experience supporting children and families through social and emotional challenges. She specializes in childhood anxiety, social skills development, and parent coaching. Suri is the founder of Hearts & Minds Psychotherapy Group and offers resources for parents navigating childhood social development.
